So I was like at the Stuffer Shack buying tampoons for my hippie sister. I know… not the coolest thing to do during new years. But if I don’t do it, she bleeds all over my apartment. Girls are gross.
I was trying to figure out if buying the pack with “wings” would be just as protective as the one with “super absorbency” when this FRICKEN BABY starts crying the whole place up! Fricken babies…worst things on the planet. I can’t even think straight now!
Then this explosion happens. BOOOOM!! And it takes out this goober standing next to the wall. Poor goober. So these guys come in with guns asking for the baby. FINALLY, my kind of people. I point my gun at the baby and start yelling “Over here! Get it!”
And then this hot chick looks at me and starts yelling. What the crap? Does she not know that I’m the good guy? Some people just don’t understand.
So the crazy girl hits me in the face with a stick! Now I’ve been hit in the face many times before and let me tell you: This was a good one. Her fist was clenched tight, she swung with power and wonderful technique, and she even added a little twist at the end for style. This girl was a professional face-hitter.
Anyways everyone in the store turns out to be Rambo- even the goober! They beat the crap out of the guys looking for the baby. Literally. I think one of the guys pooped himself! Denver is a weird place.
I slipped off before people could start asking questions. I’m not a fan of questions. Man, this year is going to be weird… Now what did I need to buy at the store again? I forget…